Posts Tagged ‘Philosophy’

Of Nihilism

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Written a long time ago, reading it now I can only think of nonsense.
But I still like it, nostalgic maybe, I remember the feeling and sense it.

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Haunted by a daunting fear.
An entity of despair shrugged and pointed at me,I deserve the least for my deeds are the worst
and I am doomed in a darkened realm.

In the darkness I lost a nameless dear.
a foe .. a law .. for my flaws.
and here are burdens for my burdens,
I deserve the least … and a fool I was, for it’s not the least .. but agony that smiles.
agony that smiles .. and flourish inside.

In the realm, melancholy is tender, nihilism is vivid and gentle .. not.
and the once morbid thoughts are now dreams of well-being that will never prevail.

and here are burdens for my burdens of my burdens.

I bite the flesh in the search for existence.
I sip my blood to taste life.
And I wonder .. was it blood ?? was it flesh ??

Ironic .. nihilism is there .. nihilism is material,
a state of delirium in a darkened realm .. how just!

The endless chains carves my shame in my skin.
the endless chains stranding me along and along
and I am nonexistent
I am in the literal .. nowhere!

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So I wonder, as a human, is all humans like me?
do we share the same good and bad?
do they think about life and the world like I do?

I doubt it, I doubt that all these people feel this hollow inside them  ..
maybe what is troubling me, is feeling it! maybe .. to everyone it exists .. but not everyone can feel it.

right now, 5/26/2011 .. 5:08 am .. i feel lost.
I feel disconnected with everything, with my outer world with everything it contains but that’s not what bothers me
what really bothers me feeling disconnected with my inner world … my inner world that could – connecting with it – always establish a certain connection with the outside, a relation … establish a meaning!

A meaning …

right now i feel meaningless !
If Descartes said, I think therefore I exist, then ,,, right now .. I don’t exist
maybe only a portion that exists in an unidentified space and time .. and that allows me to write these words

right now .. I can’t make sense of the world .. of my life .. of myself
again I refer to feeling disconnected .. disoriented !
like my stream of consciousness .. that stream that  irrigate every aspects of my life .. has stopped.

……………….

what is the ultimate seek of mankind

Power ? that could be in  knowledge? money? dominance?
Freedom?
whatever ….

it’s greed that we nurture on …
we seek perfection … absolute power .. all in everything
we never stop seeking for more .. we never stop
we greed!
I greed!

greed to become wholeness …become  allness .. become simply .. perfect
Omni ….

Poor man .. why do you strive hard to get the one thing you know for sure you won’t have?
why do you strive to become the one thing you know for sure you can’t be?

man…
what guilt inherent in you guides you to your suffering?
what guilt innate in you leads you to be in constant state of denial?

Man…
your time here is so tiny that you don’t see it in your rush

Man…

Imperfect you are .. full of flaws you are .. benighted you are .. coward you are ..

temporary you are …

In this moment of what may seem to be a clairvoyant sight .. i denounce myself ! i denounce any abilities or capabilities I pretended I had once .. I denounce other beings … I denounce everything that binds me to that place I am now .. I denounce time and space .. I denounce my clairvoyant sight
finally .. I denounce my existence

Man ... what guilt inherent in you guides you to your suffering?

(Suffering In Rage)

Suffering In Rage

I suffer and always have suffered.
Why? The reasons don’t seem to cease existing.
Every single day there is a new reason to suffer.
Will it come to an end someday? I don’t think so.

I Believe some people exist to endure suffering in their whole lifetime.
Not because they want it of course, and it’s naive to think that people really craves suffering.
Bullshit, yes we have a masochist inside, and that’s everyone speaking ( scientific fuckin’ truth )

But speaking of the normal/average man, ( I don’t who the fuck is he or who the fuck normalized/averagized him )
We are not masochists and we don’t want to suffer.
Some people cannot avoid it, cannot delude themselves to escape it.
Suffering exists as long as their brains do.

Now I am not going to speak of the ups and downs and how the existence of “downs” make what we perceive as “ups”.
I am speaking of a relatively constant state of suffering that some may have to live with.
These are not pessimists by desire, but maybe they are the Defacto pessimists.

Well let’s say that a suffering is gap, a gap between the current state of affairs and a desired state of affairs!
and it’s fuckin’ obvious that the current state of affairs is fucked up and the desired is not.

now let me tell you about those, who have what I call ..
Hyper Consciousness.
Unfortunately, they are piercing analyzers, they see through things, they deconstruct that current state of affairs to the bones.
They sharply perceive everything at large, like a mind of a paranoid except they are not!
Their sharpness sharpen their suffering with it.

They may be perfectionists, they may not be .. but .. they never manipulate that current state of affairs to make it look like the desired ones.

Suffering now is a gap .. that obviously can never be filled.
The gap is constantly changing place, from one point to another with constant distance between extremes, at best.
and Those extremes may change, to opposite directions, growing the gap and falling into deeper suffering.

so ..
let me say it instead of youd ..
Most probably you didn’t benefit shit from that shit you’re reading
and here I must say …

It’s Good To Be Dumb.

It’s really tiresome .. being in doubt and in confusion.

It’s very hard to explain my existential status or my existential feeling but I feel that something doesn’t fit .. something is not where it is supposed to be..

And it seems that I can’t let go my senses of nihilism, and its destructive questions like, so what? ( why bother and all the series ), and what’s after?

Questions that really make sense!

The fact that I can’t answer these question is overbearing! I feel, aimless? no that’s not the word, I might feel a bit like Sisyphus but in a reciprocal way.

I might feel a bit like Sisyphus but in a reciprocal way.

What consulates me a bit, that I am ignorant and I acknowledge my ignorance.

Doing that it leaves me wondering if my question got any answer at all, and my ignorance always leaves the possibility that there might be one, which comes contradicting to my intuition ..

Still I won’t stop looking .. because I am ignorant!

One last question .. to people who find life all purple and easy ! why?
Why do you find it like that? what makes you think it is all purple and easy?!
Enlighten my spotless mind please.